Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Singapore Day 1

So much to say, so little time, literally. But right now, I am beside myself with happiness because I have finally found and bought myself the complete Enishi storyline in Manga... Oh and yeah, I HAVE A DEATHNOTE!!! LOL. Will update as soon as I find a cheaper place for internet usage.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Singapore Here I Come!

Ok, it's 11:46 and I have to wake up at 6:30 tomorrow.
I haven't:
1. written my histo paper
2. written my ad paper
3. packed
4. packed valuables
5. prepared my decks
6. found the camera battery
7. found my driver's license.
8. planned an itinerary.


Sunday, February 25, 2007

things are looking up, i know what to do

Things are looking up. Looking. Not going. Well get there soon.

What I have to do :
1. Piece together decks for the GP
2. Borrow stuff
3. Pack
4. Histo paper
5. SA galore
6. Talk to a guidance counselor
7. PR
8. Ad
9. move on

It is quite liberating: To know what you have to do. To gain back your confidence. To resolve issues. There are plenty more to go. But at least I have better direction.

I've had a lot of meaningful talks this weekend.

To life!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Smile Like You Mean It

Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young

Yeah. There are a lot of things I need to improve about myself. I need to fix my name in several places.

Boy, one day you'll be a man

Hopefully, a man I can look up to.

Oh girl, he'll help you understand
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

It's time to be honest... But I'm not quite ready...

Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly

Isn't high school a blur now? Aren't all of those good times a blur now? Looking back may bring back smiles but perhaps they can't be apt for today's jaded personalities...

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

We really should, we really should.

And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant

There are always those from the past that tries to lay a claim on you. It is up to us to define what needs attention.

And someone is playing a game
In the house that I grew up in

Life is a cycle. But should I keep playing my games? What do I feel about people who are doing what I used to do? I should grow up. (more irony)

And someone will drive her around
Down the same streets that I did
On the same streets that I did

Yeah, no matter what, when people have been set free, they will be free. I have to free myself...

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

Oh no, oh no no no
Oh no, oh no no no

LOLz.... So emo :D

Thinking about dropping ECO...


I dropped by SJCS today to watch the Passion Play. As per my reputation, I am expected to criticize it. No, not critique, criticize. Honestly, I don't give a damn. It is not my place nor does my opinion matter to those high school students who did their work the best that they could. (At least we all hope so) In the end, people will believe what they want to believe. It is funny how my words to a friend are now back to haunt me. No. I am not bitching, I am not criticizing either. Their production isn't the reason why I am blogging. Though I must say, I am quite impressed with a lot of aspects of the Passion Play. On a side note, the paranoid in me thinks that there were quite a number of allusions to me there...

The part that struck me the most was curtain call. After it anyway. I think I've realized why I've been so bitter with myself. I've realized why I keep coming back to that building that I keep cursing. Everything boils down to one thing: recognition. I've always gone for recognition. Now, if my sister would read this she'd probably think God has already sent lightning bolts after my lying mouth. But this is true. I have gone all Hitler by blaming others for my shortcomings. I need to own up to myself. (OH THE IRONY!) But this is still not the case.

Back to recognition. My twisted motivation blinded me from the most important thing. Happiness. There was a twinkle in the eyes of those Seniors when they were posing. There was genuine happiness there. And one particular girl was specially radiant, unseeming in her role. Who I've probably ruined my chances for anyway... But lessons learned. I hope. In a perfect world, we do whatever that makes us happy. We all know the world isn't perfect, but its our damn duty to make ours is the most spectacular and perfect world to live in.

So I thank, albeit silently, the Seniors for their blithe and honest expressions. It has taught me a lot. And I will struggle to enjoy the things that I am doing, even though I am constantly encouraged to always quantify my experiences.

In all honesty, I always wanted to go back to the auditorium and deliver a monologue. I would stand in the center of the stage and face the wall and begin.

I hate you. And everything you represent. It was funny wasn't it? To delude a young man into thinking that he belonged in your alcove. I guess, in the long run, you've enjoyed your laughter at his every his expense. To poison such possibilities, quite entertaining, just as your displays. But still you go so far as to deprive him your whole embrace. Always teasing, always tempting. To perform, such is a dream. Your offerings to much an impressionable mind. Curse you and curse my stupidity! Curse the illusion that you bring! So much could have been different, better, brighter if not for your tantalizing visions! And now perhaps this man has grown, ruined, thinking that he could. He has sacrificed. He has glorified himself and extolled you. Only to be shot down by reality. Brilliant. As... Arsenic. All the world is a stage right? Perhaps, my role was a figurehead.

I end. Sane. Sober. And happy. So long SJCS. You've given me much to hate, but the past is the past. Things only get better and harder from here. Don't expect me to write. Goodbye.

Sunday, February 18, 2007


Life's going on I guess.

Show's over. It went well. I don't really have the right to say I did a good job as there was something that I could've gone over to make the show better. I lack discipline, drive, responsibility. These things I will labor to inculcate in my life. I owe so much to the people who have helped me...

Nonetheless, the shows were really fun. Pictures to be uploaded in Multiply one of these days.

School stuff is starting to pile up again. I'm really really pissed at how my groupmate is so useless. Seriously. Work is piling up... Hay...


Music and Lyrics

So yeah, Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. The movie is rather plainly laid out. A very simple story, with a very predictable ending, with highly improbable scenarios. There is no critical thinking, just funny moments, witty lines and the charm of the actors to carry the movie. Meh...

The Holiday

Now we're talking! Maraming kilig moments :D The movie lends its concept of love to the viewers. It, through various directional techniques, makes the viewers feel the scene. There is briliance with every location, angle, and word in the movie.

The actors were very well casted. It really is amazing how the story can put in various themes of spontaneity and empowerment! There were so many heart rending scenes as well as the viewers see their lives progress. It is rather improbable that those two children both have cellular phones at their age! Wala lang. But still it is amazing to watch those two women who decide to swap homes and in the end earn new lives. Maybe that is how life is? We must regularly have catharses to realize what we need. Going outside of our spheres of influence will lead us to new experiences and opportunities.

There is a lot more I want to say but I don't have much time, the new episode of Lost is waiting :D Just watch the movie! With a special someone preferably. Kilig moments talaga!


These days, I find myself thinking more and more about you. I wonder if I am in for something serious...

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Pouring out


note : I should be writing my Histo draft. Looking at Reggie's progressie ym statuses makes me rather enious of her. But I will have to write my paper properly unless I want to get my ass kicked out of ADMU for plagiarism. Footnoting is hassle...

Anyways, I just felt the need to blog because I'm much more depressed now, weighing my options. I'm thinking of quitting theater permanently. Not that I was mistreated or anything, Direq has been more than approachable, encouraging, and patient. I'm fucking my life up... again.

Today's rehearsals were miserable. I feel sick. I feel weak. I have my inhibitions again. Ever whited out before? It's a sucky feeling. I have to get past this. Another day until the first show. Lord, please help me.

I wonder when I'll be able to say, "I'm UNfucking my life." Proudly and definitely. Hay...

Just spent an hour at Starbucks doing my paper. Not that I finished much but what I can say is that Starbucks is amazing. As I went out of their doors I felt as though I were stepping into a different world. Gone was the comfortable ambience, light music, and friendly banter; the concept of coffeehouses is just brilliant. And I proceed back to my house with the stinging smell of garbage greeting me as I step out. I am reminded, rather harshly of the place where I grew up. The dingy environment, the shit on the ground (I kid you not). Everything. Now I'm not saying I enjoy living in Binondo, but there's a lot of my memories attached here. My first girlfriend, my best friend, my exposure to MTG, my barkada, my culture well Chinatown is 'round the corner... Hay, may effect talaga ang Alternative music while commuting/walking.

Ok, now back to the paper, see you all soon.

To sleep without worries is perhaps the greatest tangible goal I am gunning for now.

Monday, February 05, 2007



Just stressed. Sad. Pissed. So much work to do, I shouldn't even be typing here but oh well. The "v" key doesn't work very well for some reason ROFL.

It is amazing how liberating and fulfilling it is to finish a book. I haven't finished reading books in a while. the latest I've finished are Albert Marrin's Biography of Hitler, David Sedaris' Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, and J D Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye.

Great reads!

A bit saddened about the show. I don't believe how hard it is for me to memorize my lines. I know them but for some reason I can't articulate them that well. That and of course the usual disappearance of my friends when it comes to me inviting them... oh yes, nagpaparinig ako. I'm required to sell tickets this time kasi.

Oh, and the dancing is killing me, we just did half of choreo of a song and I was breathless halfway into the dancing.

I can't do this. WHY? I don't know.

So sick and tired of this shameful shell. I am comforted by the idea that in other alternate worlds (born via quantum physics) "I" am doing better, with a specialization, well-liked.

"What's your genius?"

*Tumbleweeds... Fucking tumbleweeds...*

Depressing really...