Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Pouring out


note : I should be writing my Histo draft. Looking at Reggie's progressie ym statuses makes me rather enious of her. But I will have to write my paper properly unless I want to get my ass kicked out of ADMU for plagiarism. Footnoting is hassle...

Anyways, I just felt the need to blog because I'm much more depressed now, weighing my options. I'm thinking of quitting theater permanently. Not that I was mistreated or anything, Direq has been more than approachable, encouraging, and patient. I'm fucking my life up... again.

Today's rehearsals were miserable. I feel sick. I feel weak. I have my inhibitions again. Ever whited out before? It's a sucky feeling. I have to get past this. Another day until the first show. Lord, please help me.

I wonder when I'll be able to say, "I'm UNfucking my life." Proudly and definitely. Hay...

Just spent an hour at Starbucks doing my paper. Not that I finished much but what I can say is that Starbucks is amazing. As I went out of their doors I felt as though I were stepping into a different world. Gone was the comfortable ambience, light music, and friendly banter; the concept of coffeehouses is just brilliant. And I proceed back to my house with the stinging smell of garbage greeting me as I step out. I am reminded, rather harshly of the place where I grew up. The dingy environment, the shit on the ground (I kid you not). Everything. Now I'm not saying I enjoy living in Binondo, but there's a lot of my memories attached here. My first girlfriend, my best friend, my exposure to MTG, my barkada, my culture well Chinatown is 'round the corner... Hay, may effect talaga ang Alternative music while commuting/walking.

Ok, now back to the paper, see you all soon.

To sleep without worries is perhaps the greatest tangible goal I am gunning for now.

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