Thursday, August 23, 2007

In retrospect

These days, with my sister in town, I often find myself thinking about my high school days...of how I was as a person, of my convictions, passions...

In retrospect I can say I was a very misguided individual, who claimed to be a realist just because he thought in the most depressing and plausible way. With such views I conducted myself in my day-to-day thinking. But as I looked into my relationships with people, with the people who I call my true friends, with the people who I have hurt, with the people who have hurt me; I find that I was quite the idealist.

The convictions and principles that I fought for were quite fanciful. Looking back at the limits of jurisdictions given to teachers and students in SJCS and my reactions to them, I was always doing my thing (not my best) to attain a certain semblance to a certain model that I had grown into accepting. Work at the Judenites I thought had to be professional (deadlines can be excused :D,) there is a certain pecking order (and I deserved my spot for spending 6 years in that paper!), a certain protocol, a certain system. These things I thought should be preserved. These things that really don't matter because you're just in some shitty high school paper. Because principles don't really matter back then, it's just do your work in any form whatsoever and kiss ass to the top. I was in too much of a hurry...too "professional." By the way, if any undergrads in the paper are reading this, ask for a detailed breakdown of the publication fee.

It was the same thing with the varsity, I expected people to conduct themselves in a certain matter. And again I pushed too far for people who just didn't care, and in the end were right.

And now, I'm in college when these things matter. I quit TheGUIDON because it was TOO professional and another reason... My actions in my orgs are relaxed and unrefined. Where is the Osmond in high school I wonder.

Life really knows how to throw those curveballs.

I wish I could go back to high school, fix my life there and enjoy my college life.

1 comment:

chibihayate said...

may pag-asa ka pa. u still have two school years left in ateneo, not to mention a lifetime of working after you graduate from college. you still have lots of chances to prove yourself.