Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Spiderman 3 Review

Spiderman 3

All right this is one of the big 3s! (Pirates, Shrek) And after months of anticipation...........................
What a let-down. Sure the action scenes were great. But come on the movie should have been edited or something to trim it down to 2 hours. It saw like a TV series. Will Mary Jane ever pick the man she truly loves, find out during the next episode where [DEUS EX MACHINA] the butler reveals all!!!


Previously on Spiderman.
"You were always a disappointment, Harry."
"Avenge ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Scene opens. Harry sits on a couch, a therapist has just stepped out to take a leak.)
"Damn daddy issues."


(Jazz music. Peter enters with the "changed man look.")
Peter comes out of a shop with a new ensemble and starts doing his disturbing dances.
"You can't sing, you can't dance. What are you even here for?"
(American Idol theme plays.)

OK, seriously. The movie did have its moments. Things just weren't really cohesive. And Raimi's penchant for side comments and shenanigans really doesn't help. Some of them may be important with the character build-up but with 2 frickin movies prior to this I highly doubt if you need that much bullshit/extra scenes to build the characters.

From what I can remember:
1. The waiter at the restaurant where Peter was supposed to propose. It was funny but they could've cut down 2 minutes from there.
2. Harry telling his Butler to get some food. Apparently this signals that the Osbourne family actually has a butler.
3. Mary Jane and Harry dancing to the Twist. Now there might be some symbolic reference to the Twist but the whole thing was just a fun moment. On that note, Mary Jane you skanky whore! And you Parker, moron! Same with the fallen omelet. Fallen friendship. Sad really... Or maybe I'm over-reading.
4. The singing of Mary Jane's replacement. And the "That was handled (something something)" by the directors. The whole Mary Jane losing the role because her voice couldn't reach the back just doesn't make sense. Did everyone get a good look at that theater? I mean some people have loud voices but I doubt if people could sing and have everyone hear without a frickin microphone. Yeesh.

Now on to the characters!

Venom. Erm... As Kester pointed out, the only reason why SpideyVenom was uber strong was because Spiderman already had his own powers. Where did Venom get his powers? Hm...? He was so pissed that he got so strong? Or maybe the symbiote absorbed Peter's powers... (Maybe this one, something I didn't pay attention to while the good doctor was explaining.) Which leads us to...

Doctor... something. :D I'm sorry but with what sort of materials are you able to understand and diagnose the symbiote. It's so Marvel really.

Sandman. WTF was he even doing in the movie?!!?!
"He could learn a thing or two from Gaara"- Bola.
Hahaha good one. Since apparently he was the one who killed Uncle Ben, the script writers just debased the whole "With great power comes great responsibility" scthick that was so essential in the molding of Spiderman's character. Oh speaking of crappy script writing, we move on to the...

Butler. I wonder if Stewey actually possessed the Butler in Spidermans 1 and 2 and then signed a contract that made him miss a Spiderman 3 appearance. Imagine this:

"That's right boys. Fight to the death! While I take all your armaments and wealth to rule the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!L33t eleventy-one!!!!!!!!!!!!"

COME ON! SERIOUSLY, the Butler is the sign that the script writers seriously didn't know what they had to do to have the movie progress to the epic friendship pawns the world Naruto psychobabble! I mean they had to wait 2 movies? WHAT? Pathetic writing. Which leads us to...

Harry. I have no idea how many times he flashed the "dumb jock smile" but it sure got the girls' votes. Because I don't think he ever smiled that way in Spiderman 1. Yep daddy issues... When he helped Spiderman it was quite apparent that he was going to die. Why? Love triangle stuff that apparently the script writer didn't want to pursue. Which moves us on to...

Mary Jane. I dunno but she may have been the start of the emo stuff. EMO you say?

Peter. Disturbing. Very disturbing. But very well-performed by Toby Maguire. I just think it was exaggerated. But hey it's Raimi so those little vignettes sorta kinda make sense.

And as we progress through the movie people can (well maybe over-reading) pick up some racist stuff. Notice the impotent cops. Of what skin are they...? Hm... But who knows I may be just over-reading.

The most annoying part of the movie was the whole AMERICA PAWNS EVERYTHING crap. I mean all the whole 911 allusions? Newscaster talking, scene location? AND THE MOST GOLDEN MOMENT.

I don't have a picture... Remember when he was web-slinging around New York and he stops and has a MOMENT with the American Flag as a backdrop. Erm yeah...

MY GOD! That was a very blatant American propaganda scene. But of course I'm just reacting to it because I'm not an American...Damn them why couldn't they have had made the Philippines one of their states way back.

1 comment:

Ellie said...

"america pawns everything"

oh yesss. funny i didn't mention that anymore, seems to me every spidey movie alludes to something US so it's already some standard 'tick off their list'. oh well. :|

i wanna watch "How I Met Your Mother", judging from the previews on ETC. and "Little Miss Sunshine".